Growth has been on my mind lately.
How am I growing? How am I impeding it?
Here’s the thing about growth…
We grow at different rates. Take plants for example. While growing a kitty garden for my cat Lana, I noticed the natural process of growth. Some shoots immediately took off. For others, it was much slower. None of the shoots were in competition with each other; they just grew at their own pace. In addition to water & light, I said positive things to them, sang to them, & showed gratitude for them. When Lana finally received her garden, it was imbued with good energy & intentions which positively affected her system.
In my growing cycle, I’m like one of the slower shoots in the garden. I’m in a new space that I’m exploring but haven’t identified yet. And you know what? It feels good. Weird and different, but in a good way.
This new growth stems from being laid off due to COVID. When it happened, that closed a chapter for me. I wasn’t aware at the time because I felt ALL the feels: shock, fear, worry, anger, etc. But it also allowed me to explore spaces that I was unaware of before. Namely, the reactiveness: I wallpapered over feelings with a reflexive ‘It’ll be alright,’ and without fully processing what happened.
Then I realized something. I disconnected from my feelings-- a key component of being human.
I didn’t know what I did and how much it affected me until I explored this in coaching sessions. I decided I no longer wanted to operate like that. Why sacrifice parts of myself? And for what reason?
This was the wake-up call I needed. I wanted CHOICE-- not just accepting anything due to circumstances or obligation.
This also challenged the notion of strength and what it means to me. I gave up my old definition of strength. Originally, it was just plowing through and doing what you had to do to survive. In a way, I feel I inherited this from my ancestors. They had little to no choice, resources, and support systems outside of family.
This time really allowed me to explore that and to change it. I choose to OWN my emotions, & not suppress them out of necessity. And define strength in a way that feels good to me, not an inherited meaning. Now I’m blooming and want others to do the same.
Growth is a personal process.
I’m growing.All growth is good. :)